Sex and Marriage Counselling Sydney North Shore, Mosman, Crows Nest, Central Coast and Online
Sex and money are the two most contentious subjects that a couple may encounter during their relationship.
The two topics are very closely linked in that they both represent very powerful forms of energy. This energy can be used wisely with care or indiscriminately as a weapon for punishment or bargaining.
A woman may withhold sex from her man if she is hurting as a way of "getting even". A man may withhold money or his credit card as a way of control if his needs are not being met in the relationship. Neither of these behaviours is healthy.
However these topics sometimes have such strong emotional attachments to them that they are often the most difficult topics to address in marriage counselling.
"Many couples that we see in our practices struggle with physical intimacy in their marriages. It's no secret that relationship satisfaction is often correlated with the quality of a couple's physical relationship. The use of sex therapy can be partially helpful getting a couple reconnected."
"Once in couple's therapy, the focus often begins with rebuilding the marital friendship and overcoming anger and resentments that are poisonous to the relationship. Once the couple has done some work on their emotional connection, it becomes time to begin reintegrating having a healthy sexual relationship."
Reconnecting Couples Using Physical Intimacy - Published on September 23, 2011 by Lisa Thomas, LMFT, LCSW, DAA in Save Your Sex Life.
What is the big fuss about kissing?
"Kissing allows prospective mates to smell and taste each other's pheromones for biological compatibility. Women are subconsciously more attracted to men whose major histocompatibility complex portion of their genome is different from their own, leading to offspring with resistance to a greater number of diseases due to heterosis, and thus having a better chance of survival.
This explains why couples are more likely to bond if they have the right "chemistry". Also, a study by researchers at University at Albany found that women use kissing as a tool to find the right father for their children and to judge men on the quality of the first kiss that they share". Wikipedia
What is Erotic Intelligence?
"According to Esther Perel, the couples therapist and best-selling author of “Mating in Captivity,” the term “erotic intelligence” came about accidentally as a spoof on Daniel Goleman’s idea of “emotional intelligence.”
As Perel’s work began to develop around it, she realised it was the perfect term to encapsulate the state of mind she viewed as being different from sexuality.
"In order to bring lust home, we need to re-create the distance that we worked so hard to bridge. Erotic intelligence is about creating distance, then bringing that space to life."
Perel, Esther. Mating in Captivity: How to keep desire and passion alive in long-term relationships (p. 32). Hodder & Stoughton. Kindle Edition.
The topic of sex is sometimes difficult to talk about.
Even though it may be awkward - it is important to communicate your needs to your partner. Otherwise how are they going to know how to please you? It is important that this is done with sensitivity and phrased in the positive. An example might be, "Darling I'm wondering what it would feel like if we tried......"
This is more likely to lead to an enjoyable experience than something like, "Don't do that, you know I hate it!"
Here is an article that may help with that issue.
You can either wait up to six years (some couples do) before seeking help...or you can make an appointment before the memory of joyful sex is in the distant past by calling 0418 226 961.