From Ask Sam Friday (Sydney Morning Herald Blog): Meeting Mrs Right
In this Herald Blog, Sam Brett asks the question, "why
is it so hard to meet Mrs Right?
Psychiatrist, Dr Victoria Lukats, conducted research and found that
those who haven't been on a date in the last six months or had a relationship
in more than a year, had accumulated a build-up of "Dating Toxins"
.....
"Lukats posits there are five key toxins that most affect our
search for a soul mate: shyness, fussiness, low self-esteem,
lack of opportunity and desperation. Sound familiar? The trouble
is most of us are completely clueless as to how to combat them."
"While there are no fancy jabs or organic diets that can do the
trick, Lukats has come up with a unique "Dating Detox" that
uses cognitive behavioural therapy, psychoanalysis and new dating
etiquette. It requires consultations, exercises and homework."
A
Marriage Made to Order - Telegraph, London
Julia Llewellyn Smith reports in smh.com.au about the growing popularity
of using matchmaking services to find a marriage partner. An exclusive
upmarket agency in London charges a considerable amount of money and
guarrantees an 80% success rate of making a long term match. "Long
term" for this purpose is defined as 6 months by the agency.
"All the research shows people are finding it increasingly difficult
to find a partner because they're working longer and don't have time
to socialise," says Denise Knowles of the relationship counsellors
Relate. "In our cash-rich, time-poor society we're used to the
idea of paying someone else to do things for us, be it housework or
ironing, so why not pay someone to find your partner, too?"
"Scarred by their parents' divorces, today's twenty- and thirtysomethings
are, it seems, looking for unions based on shared, enduring values rather
than short-lived physical attraction. The shift from lust to longevity
was heralded by Marian Salzman, an influential American trendspotter,
whose past coups have included popularising the terms "metrosexual"
and "singleton". Now Salzman hails the return of "arranged
marriages", where friends and family help select a spouse. "Affection
and mutual interests will be more important than lust," she says."
Suddenly Single? Stages of Overcoming a Breakup. smh.com.au blog, Ask
Sam! Sex, Dating and Relationships
"Litres of champagne, boxes of Lindt Chocolate and many a one night stand have been had in trying to overcome a break up. And no matter how many times people may tell you that "everything happens for a reason", or that "there's someone infinitely better around the corner" or that "you'll meet someone else when you least expect it" (by the way, does this ever truly happen?), breaking up is never easy. No matter how bad or toxic the union had become and no matter how much gumption it took to finally make the break, the prospect of never again being able to sleep with, speak to or confide in the other person is a gigantic shock to the system.
Ask someone that's recently been separated or divorced and with gentle exasperation, they'll tell you they're "doing fine", when you know all too well that underneath their facade, they're crying out like an injured animal desperate to get back to their matrimonial cave quickly, forgetting why they ended things in the first place.
By the reckoning of authors Marni Kamins and Janice MacLeod of The Breakup Repair Kit (Canari Press), there are eight stages of a break up which can affect the newly single. The authors also dictate that in order to move on from the whole ordeal and come out alive on the other side without too much baggage, resentment or loose screws, we need to let the stages simply run their course instead of battling against their elements.
So with the rising divorce rates, the prevalence of affairs and the toxic break ups abound, we proffer up to you the eight stages of a break up in hope you can identify what's coming, where you're at and know that you're not alone but that if you ride it through, you will survive ..."
Are
You (or are you dating) a Player? smh.com.au blog, Ask
Sam! Sex, Dating and Relationships
"As an avid connoisseur of all things relationships related, (or
so I like to believe), it strikes me as odd that two of my close friends
are currently ensconced in unions that I'm completely baffled by. While
I would describe them both as "casual dalliances", (after
all they've only just met the guys and both never seems to call when
they say they will), my girlfriends prefer to term their flings as "intense
relationships with a guy they're hoping will propose sometime soon"."
"The trouble is that while the Player makes us feel like we're
the most important woman in the world, (and makes us addicted to feeling
this way), he's giving the same confidence booster to every other one
of his conquest (or "opponents" as they like to see us). And
if you've noticed that your man often decides to cancel you at the last
moment, Kimes says don't fret.
"He'll tell you that he's working late or that he's not feeling
well, but what's really happened is that he met a new opponent with
longer legs and wanted to upgrade."
And when we feel our man is slipping away faster than our interest
in speed dater with bad breath, we do what any normal "red-blooded"
girl would do: we sleep with them. Unfortunately while we "see
fireworks, he only hears the final buzzer," Kimes explains. "The
game is over and he came out the winner. And now that he's won the game,
he moves on to his next game of the series in his perpetual quest to
play in the Super Bowl of love." "
How
to avoid an unhappy relationship (and when is it time to move on?)
smh.com.au blog, Ask Sam! Sex, Dating and Relationships
"In the classic film Annie Hall, Woody Allen tells girlfriend,
Diane Keaton, that a relationship is like a shark: "It has to constantly
move forward or it dies. I think what we've got on our hands is a dead
shark." (This was apparently referring to their real-life tumultuous
relationship).
The film explores the question of the age-old dilemma: what makes a
great relationship morph from steamy and sexy into an unsalvageable
dead shark? Is it too many petty arguments? Fundamental character differences?
Or simply unrealistic expectations? (After all, it's repeatedly drummed
into our minds that being in a relationship will solve all our sad singleton
woes.)"
In this SMH blog, Sam Brett explores the key elements in creating and
maintaining a great relationship. A most enlightening video is inlcuded
to demonstrate most succinctly, what you can do to guarrantee a relationship's
demise in seven easy steps!
Relevant books mentioned in this blog include:
100
Simple Secrets of Great Relationships: What Scientists Have Learned
and How You Can Use It (100 Simple Secrets) by David Niven.
Mating
in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
by Esther Perel
No-lame
ways to end a relationship - smh.com.au blog, Ask Sam!
Sex, Dating and Relationships
Sam Brett from Ask Sam! offers advice on how to dump someone
the non-lame way:
-
Never send them a text
-
Don't dump them in a voice message
-
Don't dump them over Facebook or declare you're "no longer
listed in a relationship" even before the person realises they've
been dumped. (True story!)
-
Don't dump them on the phone if the relationship lasted for more
than two months
-
Don't dump them in their favourite bar or restaurant or place
to hang out, otherwise they'll have nowhere to go when they want
to drown their sorrows and forget all about you
-
Don't make small talk for too long - get straight to the break
up point
-
Don't think that by playing the disappearing game it means you've
broken up. It doesn't
-
Don't think having an affair means you're saved from doing the
dumping either
-
Don't dump them in a public place
-
Don't dump them when you're drunk
-
Don't expect them not to seek revenge.
-
Don't dump them if you know they've got incriminating photos or
video footage of you that could end up on the internet or circulating
on the office email. Trust us, it's not worth it."
,
identifies five stages of dating and offers guidelines to navigate
these five stages in his book, 
- The Foolproof Way to Follow Your Heart Without Losing Your Mind, offers
sound advice and provides very effective strategies for being more discriminating
in choosing a partner. By combining the feelings of the heart along
with assessing a potential partner's behaviour over time, Dr Van Epp
proposes that making a successful choice of a long term partner becomes
more viable.
