Infidelity and Affairs

Recommended reading for healing relationships after an affair

After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful, written by psychologist, Dr Janis Abrahms Spring:

"Infidelity is often the deathblow to a relationship. But it can also be a wake-up call, challenging couples to confront issues that led to the affair and build a healthier, more intimate relationship than before."

"After the affair is the first book that explains exactly how to do this, offering a series of original and proven strategies that enable both partners to heal from infidelity."

Related articles on infidelity from the web

Our Cheating Hearts

Last year, A Gallup poll on moral issues revealed that Americans were more offended by adultery than they were by either polygamy or human cloning. Forget mortgages, politics and footy, the real dinner party stopper is talk of infidelity. But if it's so abhorrent, how do so many of us find ourselves caught up in it?

Dr Gabrielle Morrissey, sexologist, answers questions on Nine MSN about love and sex. This link leads to an
article on infidelity and why men and women cheat.

"Some research indicates that women and men cheat for different reasons. When one looks at the big picture, men and women can cheat for a range of reasons, and both men and women can be motivated to engage in an affair for either sexual or emotional reasons. Sometimes the motivation is even financial. However, in general, men's affairs are seen more often as motivated by physical sex, and are opportunistic: a temptation comes their way and there is an inclination to say yes.

The research on why women cheat, on the other hand, paints a more complex picture. Women cheat for a wide variety of reasons. Primarily, the motivation comes from an emotional place. The main reasons women cheat on their partners, according to research include:

• Emotional neglect
• Self-esteem
• Revenge
• Excitement
• Attention/desirability
• Seduction/romance
• Sexual deprivation
• Resentment
• Money"
  

Infidelity: forgive and forget - Relationships - Life & Style Home - smh.com.au

Picking Up The Pieces

"Here are steps to rebuilding a marriage after infidelity from Peggy Vaughan, author of The Monogamy Myth and founder of the Beyond Affairs Network, an organisation of support groups coordinated through http://www.dearpeggy.com:

- Sever contact with the third party. If necessary, take steps toward changing jobs, schools and cities.

- Be patient. Most people think you can forgive and forget, but rebuilding trust takes time. It is rare to completely recover from the emotional impact in less than two years.

- The person who had the affair must always answer questions from the spouse about the infidelity. It is the willingness to answer questions that diminishes the need to know.

- Don't punish for the answers you get. You asked.

- Commit to responsible honesty. Unlike monogamy, you can monitor honesty that is for the purpose of strengthening a bond and rebuilding trust.

- Marathons don't work. If they are not effective, limit conversations to 30 minutes. Consult a therapist who specialises in couples therapy and affairs.

- Remember, you are a team. Ask yourselves what you need to do for the relationship and the family. It's not just what the person who had the affair needs to do."

For private consultations to resolve emotional wounding resulting from infidelity and/or an affair